Satchmo and G - What a Wonderful World !

"He had mistaken his book for garbage"- J. Ashbery, "Europe".

There is no mistaking the musical output of Kenny G. As I heard him for the third time today on jazz radio and soon afterwards a breathless voice pitching his latest bestseller ("The Ultimate Kenny G") and concert tour I started thinking, involuntarily, about garbage. Garbage, it seems to me, invades our lives nowadays. We take great pains to keep it away - from our homes and our minds - but it always manages to find a way in. We are helpless.

Over the years I have learnt to live with Kenny G (the G, I was surprised, stands for "Gorelick"!) - not only that, I have, and I am sure I speak for many others, learnt to enjoy the experience. There is no point shrieking at mediocrity. The poets feeble cry - Now listen to me kiddo - falls on deaf ears. And it is not as if G (as he is affectionately known by his devotees) is altogether without talent. He does strike a good pose - long hair all over his sax, shamanic swaying, graceful flicks of head to clear his face etc etc. And it is sometimes refreshing to see a man in his forties who has preserved the innocence and the intellect he had as a little baby.

So I was surprised to see a lot of serious musicians up in arms against poor G a couple of years back. All he did was produce (at his very own state-of-the-art "Studio G") a tribute album "Classics in the Key of G" for his musical idols. One of the tracks - a tribute to Louis Armstrong, no less - provoked even the unfailingly unflappable Pat Metheny to downright abuse. G has proudly included the very same track - where he overdubs himself on the song "What a Wonderful World" - in his latest album assuring it substantial airtime for the next couple of months at least. In fact I am hearing it right now and I must confess my equipoise is in jeopardy. As we enter the coda I hear G gurgling gleefully - like a baby that has just soiled its nappies. The big baby has paid its tributes to a sacred shrine and appears to be quite pleased.

The Whopper

What’s a good original article?

How about this?
Begin with a weird-but-true statistic on writing and back it up with some seemingly credible sources. For good measure, claim that the sources are classified. Assert that in today’s world, the number of writers far exceeds the number of readers. Reject all skepticism by reminding the readers that even Pamela Anderson has just released a new book and is already working on her second. Blame this shocking reversal of reader to writer ratios, contemptuously, on the proliferation of entry-a-day blogs on the web. Get nasty by alleging that the whole thing is a crass exercise in mass exhibitionism and voyeurism. Quote Voltaire and bemoan the fact that everybody seems to have figured out the secret of being a bore. Conclude that the increase in the number of unread writers has produced loads of hackneyed drivel. Lament that there’s no good original writing out there.

Wait a minute. Now, is that original?

Ok. How about this?
How about this?
Begin with a weird-but-true statistic on writing and back it up with some seemingly credible sources. For good measure, claim that the sources are classified. Assert that in today’s world, the number of writers far exceeds the number of readers. Reject all skepticism by reminding the readers that even Pamela Anderson has just released a new book and is already working on her second. Blame this shocking reversal of reader to writer ratios, contemptuously, on the proliferation of entry-a-day blogs on the web. Get nasty by alleging that the whole thing is a crass exercise in mass exhibitionism and voyeurism. Quote Voltaire and bemoan the fact that everybody seems to have figured out the secret of being a bore. Conclude that the increase in the number of unread writers has produced loads of hackneyed drivel. Lament that there’s no good original writing out there.
Now, use the above as an instance to illustrate to the user, how many writers cleverly seek to differentiate themselves from the writeratti by quoting statistics about mediocrity. Tell them that you are not one of them (and in fact, that you are a whole level above them). Gain sympathy by grieving that you are inching your way to the top of the pyramid and that it’s already getting lonely.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Now is that original?

Ok. How about this?
How about this?
How about this?
Begin with a weird-but-true statistic on writing and back it up with some seemingly credible sources. For good measure, claim that the sources are classified. Assert that in today’s world, the number of writers far exceeds the number of readers. Reject all skepticism by reminding the readers that even Pamela Anderson has just released a new book and is already working on her second. Blame this shocking reversal of reader to writer ratios, contemptuously, on the proliferation of entry-a-day blogs on the web. Get nasty by alleging that the whole thing is a crass exercise in mass exhibitionism and voyeurism. Quote Voltaire and bemoan the fact that everybody seems to have figured out the secret of being a bore. Conclude that the increase in the number of unread writers has produced loads of hackneyed drivel. Lament that there’s no good original writing out there.
Now, use the above as an instance to illustrate to the user, how many writers cleverly seek to separate themselves from the writeratti by quoting statistics about mediocrity. Tell them that you are not one of them (and in fact, that you are a whole level above them). Gain sympathy by grieving that you are inching your way to the top of the pyramid and that it’s already getting lonely.
Here, confess that even the above is not truly an original idea. Try to gain some grace points by pointing out that however, you are in a minority now. Compare yourself to the script writer of the movie ‘Adaptation’ and walk the reader through the similarities in the plot and the content of the article. Put in some notes about how it is entirely conceivable that you might have independently arrived at the same idea but at a later time. And finally, adapt the paragraph with similar ideas from Gunter Grass’ (no, just call him Gunter to show that you are actually on a first name basis) greatest German novel – The Tin Drum, by replacing the word ‘novel’ by ‘article’. Put in that quote here: “… you can declare at the very start that it’s impossible to write an article these days, but then, behind your back so to speak, give birth to a whopper, an article to end all articles”.

Wait a minute. So, what is your original idea?

Er. How about this?
How about this?
How about this?
How about this…

Wow. That’s deep.