The Whopper

What’s a good original article?

How about this?
Begin with a weird-but-true statistic on writing and back it up with some seemingly credible sources. For good measure, claim that the sources are classified. Assert that in today’s world, the number of writers far exceeds the number of readers. Reject all skepticism by reminding the readers that even Pamela Anderson has just released a new book and is already working on her second. Blame this shocking reversal of reader to writer ratios, contemptuously, on the proliferation of entry-a-day blogs on the web. Get nasty by alleging that the whole thing is a crass exercise in mass exhibitionism and voyeurism. Quote Voltaire and bemoan the fact that everybody seems to have figured out the secret of being a bore. Conclude that the increase in the number of unread writers has produced loads of hackneyed drivel. Lament that there’s no good original writing out there.

Wait a minute. Now, is that original?

Ok. How about this?
How about this?
Begin with a weird-but-true statistic on writing and back it up with some seemingly credible sources. For good measure, claim that the sources are classified. Assert that in today’s world, the number of writers far exceeds the number of readers. Reject all skepticism by reminding the readers that even Pamela Anderson has just released a new book and is already working on her second. Blame this shocking reversal of reader to writer ratios, contemptuously, on the proliferation of entry-a-day blogs on the web. Get nasty by alleging that the whole thing is a crass exercise in mass exhibitionism and voyeurism. Quote Voltaire and bemoan the fact that everybody seems to have figured out the secret of being a bore. Conclude that the increase in the number of unread writers has produced loads of hackneyed drivel. Lament that there’s no good original writing out there.
Now, use the above as an instance to illustrate to the user, how many writers cleverly seek to differentiate themselves from the writeratti by quoting statistics about mediocrity. Tell them that you are not one of them (and in fact, that you are a whole level above them). Gain sympathy by grieving that you are inching your way to the top of the pyramid and that it’s already getting lonely.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Now is that original?

Ok. How about this?
How about this?
How about this?
Begin with a weird-but-true statistic on writing and back it up with some seemingly credible sources. For good measure, claim that the sources are classified. Assert that in today’s world, the number of writers far exceeds the number of readers. Reject all skepticism by reminding the readers that even Pamela Anderson has just released a new book and is already working on her second. Blame this shocking reversal of reader to writer ratios, contemptuously, on the proliferation of entry-a-day blogs on the web. Get nasty by alleging that the whole thing is a crass exercise in mass exhibitionism and voyeurism. Quote Voltaire and bemoan the fact that everybody seems to have figured out the secret of being a bore. Conclude that the increase in the number of unread writers has produced loads of hackneyed drivel. Lament that there’s no good original writing out there.
Now, use the above as an instance to illustrate to the user, how many writers cleverly seek to separate themselves from the writeratti by quoting statistics about mediocrity. Tell them that you are not one of them (and in fact, that you are a whole level above them). Gain sympathy by grieving that you are inching your way to the top of the pyramid and that it’s already getting lonely.
Here, confess that even the above is not truly an original idea. Try to gain some grace points by pointing out that however, you are in a minority now. Compare yourself to the script writer of the movie ‘Adaptation’ and walk the reader through the similarities in the plot and the content of the article. Put in some notes about how it is entirely conceivable that you might have independently arrived at the same idea but at a later time. And finally, adapt the paragraph with similar ideas from Gunter Grass’ (no, just call him Gunter to show that you are actually on a first name basis) greatest German novel – The Tin Drum, by replacing the word ‘novel’ by ‘article’. Put in that quote here: “… you can declare at the very start that it’s impossible to write an article these days, but then, behind your back so to speak, give birth to a whopper, an article to end all articles”.

Wait a minute. So, what is your original idea?

Er. How about this?
How about this?
How about this?
How about this…

Wow. That’s deep.